i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize