Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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