so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He felt like a one man threesome
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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