Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just high enough for therapy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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