So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
