I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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