after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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