So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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