Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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