We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
