i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
