The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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