He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
