remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
