Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
