The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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