mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
