Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
