If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
