I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I could fuck to npr.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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