the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
