a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
