From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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