You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
