What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
