oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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