do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
