Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
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I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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