oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
