i just had sex bonerless
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
