is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
