when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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