It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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