hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
