We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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