She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
