On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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