Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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