I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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