Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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