I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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