Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
