All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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