Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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