Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my liver is dry heaving
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
