It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
