He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
