Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
