She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
