Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you made out with another girl for some wings
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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