so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
