He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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