I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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