Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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