HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
