are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
