You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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