Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
