i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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