She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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