new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
