we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
