dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
