My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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