the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
